Ask any parent and they’ll tell you: toddlers and bedtime go together like glitter and carpets – chaotic, frustrating, and nearly impossible to clean up once the tantrums start. Between the tears, the ‘one more book’ requests, and the sudden interest in everything except sleep, it’s no wonder so many parents end up exhausted before their heads hit the pillow.
But it doesn’t have to be this way, says certified Baby and Toddler Sleep Consultant Ilona Andrews, founder of Sleeping Stars.
Ilona, who specialises in sleep solutions for children with ADHD and ASD, is also a mum of two, so bedtime battles are part of her own lived experience.
“I know how intense it can be when you’re trying to get a toddler to bed and every part of them seems to be resisting. As a parent myself, I’ve had nights where it felt like a full-scale negotiation just to get pyjamas on. But good sleep habits can be taught even to the most strong-willed little ones. With the right approach, you can ditch the nightly drama and create calm, consistent evenings that actually feel peaceful.”
Ready to reclaim your evenings? Here are Ilona’s top tips to ease bedtime battles and get your little ones drifting off without the drama.
- Build a bedtime routine that actually winds them down
Routines work best when they help a child transition gradually into sleep mode – so think calm, not chaos. Bright bathroom lights or energetic bathtime splashing can be too stimulating right before bed, so if that’s part of your routine now, consider moving the bath to earlier in the evening. The key is predictability: familiar steps, in the same order, night after night.
Top tip: Try dimming the lights, playing soft music, and switching to quieter activities like reading or puzzles for the last 30–45 minutes before bed.
- Yes, you can use TV – just choose the right kind
Not all screen time is equal. Fast-paced cartoons can ramp kids up, but calm, slow-moving shows with low stimulation can actually help wind them down. Choose something gentle and quiet – and keep it brief. Screen off at least 15 minutes before bed to give their brain a chance to transition.
Top tip: Avoid giving them control of the remote. Pick a show in advance and let them know it’s part of the bedtime wind-down, not a chance to bargain for more.
- Turn bedtime into a sticker-worthy mission
A simple visual chart showing each step: PJs, teeth, book – can make the routine feel like a game, especially when there’s a sticker to earn at every stage. Instant gratification goes a long way with toddlers, but you can also build in a reward for a full week of success: maybe a trip to the park or an extra bedtime story.
Top tip: Let your child help decorate their chart or choose their own stickers. Giving them some ownership boosts their motivation and makes the process more fun.
- Set your boundaries and stick to them
If bedtime means “just one more” anything, you’re in trouble. Agree in advance on the number of books or songs, and then hold firm. Consistency now saves you from chaos later. Giving in once teaches them that tantrums work, so they’ll try it again.
Top tip: Use a gentle reminder at the start of the routine: “We’re reading two books tonight – your choice.” Then follow through every time.
- Give them power through choices, not control
No one likes being told what to do, including toddlers. Instead of saying, “Put your pyjamas on,” try offering two options: “The dinosaur PJs or the stripy ones?” It’s a subtle shift that encourages cooperation and reduces the need to assert independence through protest.
Top tip: Limit each choice to two options. Too many decisions can overwhelm toddlers and lead to more bedtime delays.
- Countdown to bedtime like it’s a launch
Transitions are hard for little ones, especially when they’re in the middle of playing. Give them a heads-up well in advance: “We’re going to start bedtime in 15 minutes.” Then follow up with 10-minute and 5-minute warnings so nothing comes as a surprise.
Top tip: If they’re visual learners, consider using a toddler-friendly countdown clock or timer to help them understand what’s coming next.
- Talk them through the whole routine again and again
Toddlers thrive on knowing what to expect. Narrating the routine step by step, night after night, helps reduce bedtime anxiety and gives them a sense of control. Repetition might feel boring to you, but it’s soothing for them.
Top tip: Make it part of the routine itself. “First we’ll brush teeth, then choose a story, then it’s into bed for cuddles.” The more predictable bedtime feels, the less they’ll resist it.
“Toddlers aren’t trying to ruin your night, they’re just tiny humans with big feelings and no idea what to do with them. Bedtime should make them feel safe, seen, and settled. And that’s something every parent has the power to create.”