It’s Anti-Bullying Week on 16 – 20 November, a week that brings attention to the hugely important topic of bullying and what to do if your child experiences it.
This year’s theme is ‘Break the Silence’ and research* from Highfield School has revealed that the main reasons that children may feel unable to speak up include fear of being labelled a ‘snitch’ by other pupils (76%), concerns about how teachers might respond (67%) and fear of getting into trouble (57%).
Vivienne Liddell, Deputy Head of Pastoral Care at Highfield School, the independent school for children aged two to 13, shares her tips on supporting children who are experiencing bullying, as well as those who may be displaying bullying behaviour towards others.
She says: “There are many different types of bullying – there’s verbal, or “banter” which crosses a line. There’s social, where children are left out, given the silent treatment or rumours are spread about them. And there’s online where children share messages, leave group chats or make offensive AI images.”
How do you tell if your child is being bullied?
Children may not always tell someone if they are experiencing bullying, but changes in their behaviour can sometimes suggest that something is troubling them. These changes don’t necessarily mean bullying is taking place, but they can be a helpful starting point for a conversation.
Some signs to look out for include:
- Trouble eating or sleeping – Some children may experience changes in their appetite or sleep patterns, such as skipping meals, eating more or less than usual or having difficulty falling asleep.
- Missing or damaged belongings – If your child’s belongings regularly go missing or are damaged at school, this could be a sign that someone is deliberately taking or damaging them.
- A change in social group – Listen out for names: if your child isn’t mentioning people like they used to or not wanting to talk about school. They might start not wanting to go to school at all.
- Teachers mention a change in them – Teachers may notice changes in your child’s mood, behaviour or interactions with others. If the teacher brings to your attention that they’ve changed, this is important as they see them every day. At Highfield, we track our children’s emotions weekly so we can spot a change in them very quickly.
- Be aware of the more vulnerable children – Some children may face additional challenges in navigating friendships and social situations, both online and face-to-face. Open conversations and appropriate support can help children feel confident about seeking help when they need it.
What to do if you discover your child is being bullied
If you discover your child is being bullied, your response is very much dependent on their age, individual needs and circumstances. However, here are some tips:
- Listen – Finding out that your child is experiencing bullying can understandably bring up strong emotions. Wanting to protect your child and fight their corner is a natural reaction, but it’s important to listen to all the facts and not overreact. Highfield School research found that one of the core reasons that children don’t tell teachers and parents about bullying is because they’re worried they will overreact.
- Avoid saying ‘just ignore them’ – Even when meant as reassurance, this can leave a child feeling that their feelings haven’t been acknowledged. Bullying involves an imbalance of power, so telling a child to ignore it can leave them feeling even more powerless, as though what they’re experiencing doesn’t matter.
- Ask children, what next – Don’t promise not to tell anyone as something needs to be done. Ask them, who would you like to speak to about it?
- Talk regularly about it with them – Choose your times carefully, don’t ask when they are tired and hungry right after school. Talk when they are relaxed and rested.
- Don’t take their phones away – If a child is experiencing online bullying, removing their phone can take away their sense of control and leave them feeling punished for someone else’s behaviour.
- Talk to the school – Once you know as many facts as possible, talk to the school or the adult who is in charge of the environment they are being bullied in (e.g. at a hockey club, for example).
- Avoid talking to the other parent – It’s usually best not to talk to the other parent to give you some distance between you and the situation. You only have one side of the story at the moment, so it’s important to have someone impartial involved.
- Agree action – Write down what you know is factual. Ask your child to write everything down in a bullying incident form. This is, of course, age dependent so you might need a voice recording or a drawing.
How do you rebuild your child’s self-esteem if they’re being bullied?
Vivienne says: “Spend time with your child doing things that they’re good at. Find joy in other things too. For example, if they’re being bullied at hockey club, don’t leave the club. Work with those responsible to make it safe for them to participate. Praise their character rather than the outcome, especially if you see them working really hard.
“Look after the basics: sleep, food, exercise and screen time.”
What should schools do?
Vivienne believes that good schools don’t say that bullying doesn’t happen. She notes: “At Highfield, we talk about how we prevent it, how we spot it early and how we deal with it consistently. Schools should have a clear anti-bullying policy written by the children themselves, if they can. Having weekly pastoral meetings that record and track children’s feelings where they can speak openly.
“Schools need to have an easy way for children to tell adults. We have a worry box for the young children, but children from Year 6 and above have an online digital platform to record worries and make suggestions.
“The school needs to make steps to prevent bullying by celebrating everyone and recognising all strengths, giving praise and rewards for the skills, not just the outcomes.”
Vivienne also highlights the importance of encouraging children to speak up, or ‘breaking the silence’ as highlighted in this year’s Anti-Bullying Week. She says: “There’s a difference between ‘snitching’ and ‘reporting’. Snitching is trying to get someone in trouble for a small thing, but reporting is keeping each other safe. Having data of when children have reported bullying is really important.”
What to do if your child is displaying bullying behaviour
Vivienne says: “If you find out your child is being unkind to others, listen first. No one wants to hear their child is being labelled a bully, but in social situations children can do anything. They are children and this is not fundamentally who they are.
“Don’t respond in the heat of the moment. Talk calmly to your child and work with the school, not against it. Calling someone a bully defines them, so a better way of discussing it is they have been displaying bullying behaviour which is targeted and repeated.”
Highfield School is an independent school set just outside Liphook, in the South Downs National Park, on the borders of Hampshire, Surrey and West Sussex.? They were recently recognised for their approach to caring for their children’s mental health, winning the Mind Champion category at the School House Awards 2026, and being shortlisted in the Pastoral Care and Wellbeing category at the Talk Education Awards for Innovation in Education 2026.
