As Christmas approaches, a family law expert is urging separated parents to start planning their festive arrangements early, warning that leaving discussions until the last minute can lead to unnecessary disagreements and added stress during an already busy time of year.
With Christmas bringing its own pressures, navigating celebrations across two households can be challenging for divorced and separated parents. From deciding who spends Christmas Day with the children to coordinating presents, managing new partners and agreeing handover times, careful planning can help keep the focus where it matters most: on the children.
Ashley Le-Core, a Partner at Stowe Family Law, says agreeing arrangements well in advance can make the festive period easier to manage for everyone.
“Christmas can be a very stressful time of year. Planning your arrangements early can help to ensure the entire period is much easier to manage,” Ashley explains.
“As parents, you might need to be flexible, especially if your children are still young. However, having an outline of the days spent with each parent, and handover times, will mean there is a structure which benefits both you as a parent, and, importantly, your children.”
“Negotiating these matters very late can lead to disagreement, which exacerbates the pressure. I like to advise my clients to discuss Christmas arrangements for their children as early as possible, so that any issues can be ironed out well before time.”
Three ways to split Christmas
There is no single approach that works for every family, but most separated parents choose between three broad arrangements:
-
Splitting Christmas Day: One parent has Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, before the children move to the other parent for Christmas dinner and Boxing Day. This can work best when parents live close to one another.
-
Alternating Christmas and New Year: One parent has the children over Christmas week, while the other has them over New Year week, with the arrangement switching the following year. This can be more suitable when parents live further apart and parents both get to take a week of the school holidays.
-
Celebrating twice: One parent celebrates Christmas Day on the 25th December, while the other holds a second Christmas on Boxing Day or a nearby weekend.
The right arrangement will depend on factors including the children’s ages, how far apart their parents live and how smoothly handovers tend to work. Ultimately, the best interests of the children should be the priority.
Once an approach has been agreed, parents should confirm the practical details, including handover times, locations and who is responsible for what on the day.
A clear, written parenting plan can help avoid confusion and reassure children that they will have time with both parents. Confirming arrangements by message or email also gives both parents a record to refer back to if disagreements arise.
Keeping children out of the Christmas tug-of-war
Even with the best intentions, Christmas can become a tug-of-war between two households. Family law experts advise parents to avoid putting pressure on children to choose between traditions, parents or extended family.
Children should feel free to enjoy special moments in both homes without feeling guilty or caught in the middle of adult disagreements. If they seem anxious or unsettled, giving them space to talk about their feelings can help.
Flexibility can also make a difference. A little give-and-take over timings or traditions to account for children’s needs means they feel safe and comfortable throughout the festive period.
Parents should also consider how presents and Santa will work across two homes. Agreeing a budget in advance can help prevent competition over gifts, while sharing the cost of a larger present may avoid duplication. If Santa is part of the family’s Christmas traditions, agreeing whether gifts will be delivered to one home or both can help keep the story consistent for children.
New parents, grandparents and difficult conversations
The festive season can bring additional challenges when new parents, grandparents and former in-laws are involved.
If a new partner will be joining Christmas activities, discussing this with a co-parent in advance can help avoid surprises on the day. Children may also need time to become comfortable with a new partner ahead of the festive setting, before launching a relatively new relationship in an already busy and emotionally heightened time.
Maintaining relationships with grandparents and former in-laws can also be important for children. Where possible, parents should consider how to preserve these connections while recognising their own emotional boundaries and keeping interactions civil.
Communication between co-parents should remain focused on the children’s needs rather than personal issues. Agreeing specific times to discuss arrangements, keeping conversations focused on practicalities rather than emotions and confirming decisions in writing can reduce misunderstandings and unnecessary conflict.
What happens if parents cannot agree?
If discussions about Christmas arrangements have stalled, there are options available before court proceedings become necessary.
Parents may find it helpful to use a dedicated co-parenting app to manage schedules and keep a clear record of discussions. Where direct communication is not working, family mediation can provide a structured way to explore options and find common ground without going to court.
If an agreement still cannot be reached, either parent may need to apply to court for a decision about child arrangements. A Specific Issue Order may be appropriate where there is a particular dispute that requires a court decision.
Ashley advises parents to seek help early, as court applications relating to Christmas arrangements should ideally be made several months in advance. Family courts can experience significant backlogs, meaning an application made in late autumn is unlikely to be resolved before the holidays arrive.
The main message: “putting children first this Christmas”
Co-parenting at Christmas may not always be straightforward, but early planning, clear communication and a willingness to be flexible can help make the holiday season more manageable.
The aim is not to recreate Christmas exactly as it was before separation, but to create new traditions that allow children to enjoy the festive period across both homes while feeling secure, cared for and free from conflict.
Parents who are struggling to reach an agreement can seek advice from a family law solicitor about the options available to them.
