Credit: Rachel FitzD is a baby and parent expert, author and expert speaker at The Baby Show which is returning to Olympia London from 23rd-25th October. To find out more please visit www.thebabyshow.co.uk/olympia
Your child’s school report declares your offspring to be a hard-working little sweetheart – never any problem in class, and, when you pick them up from play dates, the hosting parents tell you that your progeny has been ‘absolutely no bother at all!’ Then along comes the half-term break and you find yourself sharing your day with an oppositional, shouty monster. Every fun idea for making the day go with a swing gets swung back in your face and the money spent on trips to get you all out of the house now looks like money tipped down the drain of misery.
Why do children seem to save up their worst behaviours, their biggest meltdowns and their most impressive sulks for the half term holidays and what can we, as busy parents do to head them off at the pass?
The first time my grandson treated me to a full-blown tantrum (in the supermarket, of course) I felt genuinely honoured! You see, we save our worst side for those we love and with whom we feel most safe. This is as true for adults as it is for children – no matter how tired and overworked we are, we will try our hardest to put on a brave face whilst outside the home, only to relax and ‘let it all out’ once we are safely behind closed doors.
For young children, still learning the rules and social niceties of the big, wide world, school can be genuinely stressful. Long days spent learning new skills from an adult whose attention is split between them and a bunch of other youngsters who are also trying to learn new skills, and every one of them still developing self-discipline, emotional regulation and the language to properly verbalise their needs … it is little wonder that children need to let off one heck of a lot of steam after six weeks. At school, having a meltdown and showing overwhelm in front of teachers and children whose response is unpredictable can feel very risky. Once home in their own more predictable, safer environment with people they know will carry on loving them come what may, all those barriers can come crashing down and the monster can be released to vent its spleen.
Of course, children also ‘release the beast’ in that first week of the longer school holidays but then they tend to recouperate and relax and start enjoying the break. Half terms are just so short that children barely get rid of all that pent-up energy before they are back at their desks.
With the October half term banging on the door, here are my top tips for grabbing yourself a less fraught week.
1. Remember that tantrums are generally triggered when frustration or overwhelm meets hunger and tiredness so manage these as easy wins to avoid meltdowns. Young children have large calorie needs but very small stomachs (their stomachs are the same size as their closed fist) so ensure they have three good meals and two good snack breaks every day. Focus on healthy, calorie dense foods such as wholemeal bread, pasta and potatoes paired with tasty toppings to stave off ‘hangry’ moments. Don’t let bedtimes slide and, if anything, support your child to have a few early nights. It can actually help to extend that bath and story time a little and then let your child read or do some colouring-in in bed (let them choose their own preferred quiet activity) before they settle down.
2. Avoid filling the week with activities. All too often children’s social diaries are over-stuffed with clubs, play dates and day trips. Just like adults, children sometimes need to just hang loose, slob about in PJs and recharge their worn-out social batteries! Have a ‘Never Be Bored Box’ filled with quiet craft ideas, sticker books and jigsaws readily available (most charity shops have a stock of great items at knock-down prices) and, if they do have a bored moment, avoid rescuing them with your own ideas. Simply acknowledge their challenge and then let them find their own child-shaped solution – they may surprise you with their imagination and ingenuity.
3. Hit the fresh air! As all dog owners know, even when the rain is coming down and the last thing you want to do is head outside with your pooch, you always feel better after a walk. So get your wellies on, grab backpacks for collecting conkers, sticks and strange-looking stones and get outside for a wander. The great outdoors is free to enjoy, and fresh air improves the appetite and can help us relax into sleep.
Half-term doesn’t need to be dreaded or expensive. Instead, it can be a time to hunker down and recharge over a few days spent with Lego, good books, quiet walks, warm baths and early nights. Happy Halloween!
