Parents News Forum
How to Stop Feeling the Pressure to Have a Perfect Family Christmas
By Katia Vlachos, author of ‘Uncaged: A Good Girl’s Journey to Reinvention’
It was Christmas Eve. I heard laughter echoing from our living room – my children and their cousins playing board games – while I stood alone in the kitchen, surrounded by recipe printouts and timing schedules for the next day's ‘perfect’ family feast. Somehow, in my pursuit of creating the perfect holiday experience, I was missing the very moments that made this season magical.
As a reinvention coach working with accomplished, high-achieving women, I've noticed how the pressure to create picture-perfect holidays particularly affects us mothers. We're bombarded with images and expectations of what family Christmas ‘should’ look like – a pristine home that looks like it’s taken out of a lifestyle magazine, perfectly arranged decorations, elaborate meals, and children in festive outfits beaming beneath the perfectly decorated tree.
The unavoidable gap between this ‘perfect Christmas’ and our reality can leave us feeling like we're failing at the season itself. But here's what I've learned, both through my own journey and in guiding others through my work: The perfect Christmas has nothing to do with perfection.
Let me explain and share some strategies for how to break free from the pressure and reclaim the joy of the season:
Recognise the Hidden Costs.
When we exhaust ourselves chasing the perfect Christmas, we often sacrifice our presence and wellbeing. I learned this the hard way last year, ending up in bed, sick on Boxing Day, having spent weeks working nonstop to make sure the celebrations were ‘just right’. What price are you paying in this pursuit of perfection? Your energy? Your joy? Your ability to be present with your family?
Challenge Inherited Patterns.
Growing up in Greece, I watched the women in my family spend entire holidays in the kitchen, creating magnificent feasts but rarely joining in the celebrations themselves. Are there holiday patterns you've inherited that no longer serve you? Just because it's tradition doesn't mean it's right for you or your family.
Set Boundaries.
Say ‘no’ to what depletes you. Maybe that means ‘outsourcing’ some dishes to other family members instead of cooking everything yourself; limiting social commitments; or delegating tasks. Ask this powerful question before taking on holiday commitments: “Is this adding joy or just adding pressure?”
Create Space for Connection.
Allow the perfect moments to emerge, rather than trying to orchestrate everything. Some of our family's most treasured holiday memories came from unplanned moments, like kitchen ‘failures’, impromptu Christmas movie nights, or simply being together without an agenda.
Embrace Imperfection.
When the gingerbread house collapses or the turkey takes longer than planned (or your oven breaks down while cooking it – true story), model humour and resilience instead of stress. These “imperfect” moments often become the stories your family treasures most.
Trust Your Intuition.
My children prefer to spend Christmas Day in their pyjamas rather than rushing to attend an elaborate holiday meal. So our traditional Christmas lunch is now Christmas dinner. You know what matters most to your family. Give yourself permission to create celebrations that align with your needs – that’s where the magic is.
To be clear, breaking free from holiday perfectionism doesn’t mean you have to lower your standards of how you want to celebrate. It’s more about realigning those standards with what truly matters to you. Whether it's being present enough to catch the light in your child's eyes when they share what they’re grateful for this holiday, feeling relaxed and grateful yourself, or having enough energy to join in the fun and create memories – trust your instincts on this one.
This year, choose presence and connection over perfection. Your family will remember how it felt to be together sharing the joy of the season much more than they will the Pinterest-worthy decorations or impeccably executed traditions. And that’s holiday perfection.
Katia Vlachos is a reinvention coach and the author of Uncaged: A Good Girl's Journey to Reinvention (out now, published by Amplify Publishing).