Children living with domestic abuse often never tell anyone what is happening at home. That is why adults need to get better at spotting the signs, according to safeguarding training platform Virtual College and domestic abuse training specialists KADA Training Academy CIC.
The two organisations are urging teachers, police officers and other professionals who work with children to rely less on a child speaking up. Instead, they want adults to pay closer attention to behaviour, body language and changes over time.
Why children with domestic abuse at home stay silent
Research into frontline police responses has found that officers vary in how confident they feel talking to children, assessing their welfare and recording what they see. Researchers have called for more scenario-specific training.
The Domestic Abuse Commissioner has also raised concerns that some teachers rely too heavily on children telling them directly about abuse. They say staff should be more curious about changes in a child’s behaviour or emotional regulation.
KADA Training Academy said: “Children don’t always disclose because they don’t know how to say it or even have the words to say it. They may feel intense fear, or shame, or embarrassed about what is happening at home. They may think the behaviour is normal as it’s all they may have known.”
“In my view, we can rely too heavily on verbal disclosure. Expecting a child to come forward and describe their experience of domestic abuse is often unrealistic because there are many significant barriers that prevent them from speaking openly.”
Domestic abuse warning signs in children
A child living with domestic abuse will not always look upset. Some become quiet or withdrawn. Others may seem unusually well behaved, mature or eager to please.
“If a child is tracking a room, reacting to a specific footstep, or constantly scanning an adult’s facial expressions for shifts in mood then these are tell-tale signs,” KADA explained.
Other signs include a child trying to make themselves “invisible”, retreating to small spaces, or acting as a physical shield for a parent.
“It’s about treating changes in behaviour and hypervigilance as valid evidence of harm,” they added.
The experts stress that not every change in behaviour is a safeguarding concern. The aim is to stay curious about what might be behind it, talk to the child and the non-abusive parent, and try to picture what daily life is like for them.
Schools can spot what others miss
Because school staff see children every day, they are well placed to notice when something changes. A shift in attendance, friendships, mood or appearance could be the first clue that something is wrong at home.
“Operation Encompass means schools and the police force have a good standard of training, but it’s clear from reports provided by Ofsted and some of the case reviews of late that some areas of training in domestic abuse needs closer focus,” KADA said.
Faster support needed
The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 recognised children as victims of domestic abuse in their own right for the first time. But KADA says recognition must be followed by action.
“If I could change one thing, it would be the availability of the support children need when they need it, not in three to six months’ time.”
Where to get help
If you are worried about a child, or you or your family are affected by domestic abuse, you can call the free, 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge, on 0808 2000 247. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 999.
