Five tips to get your child to talk about their feelings

by Esther Marshall, author and founder of Sophie Says series of children’s books

 Ask open questions.These are questions which require a full answer rather than a closed question which only requires a yes or no answer. For instance, instead of asking “Did you have a good day?” where the child will either say yes or no, ask “What was the best part of your day?” or “What made you smile today?”.

1. Put All distractions away.When talking to children about their feelings and how they feel, ensure all other distractions are away e.g. no phones, tv on in the background. Ensure they know that you are solely focussed on them, so it creates an atmosphere where they feel listened to.
2. Talk openly about your own feelings.Let them know that you also feel sad and angry sometimes and that that is okay. It’s good for children to see you as human rather than this perfect, always happy person around whom they may not feel they can be their true selves.
3. Create a safe space. This is incredibly important. If a child doesn’t feel safe, they won’t talk at all. A great activity to try is to create a safe corner or space within the home or at school where they can go to in order to feel safe to talk. It can be a place where they put some pillows with their favourite toy or anything that makes them feel calm.
4. Eye contact. Ensure eye contact with the child but don’t expect them to keep eye contact back. You want to ensure that they always know you are there and for that split second when they look up and want to know you are there, that you are fully concentrating on them.

Five ways to boost your child’s confidence

1. Encourage your child So much of a child’s life involves structure, but ensuring that you encourage your child brings with it a sense of belonging and builds self-worth.
2. Show them you make mistakes too. A lot of parents think that they need to be the perfect example to their children. However, my view is to take away the perfection.  Take away any mention of that word and ensure they don’t feel they need to be perfect. Let them see you as a real human being. If they see you make a mistake, it’s not the end of the world and they learn from it. This is a great opportunity for learning and growth.
3. Role model self-care and positive self-talk. Speak positively about your body and what you think of yourself. If they see you talking negatively about how you feel or ashamed of certain parts of your body, they will think that is okay to think that about themselves.
4. Let them make decisions. This will help empower them to believe in themselves and have confidence as they grow older that they can in fact make decisions and be decisive.
5. Make time and be present. Even if just for 10 mins to connect each day. We all live busy lives with so much to do, but time spent with your child without any screens or distractions will boost them, as they feel they are the most important person and your priority rather than your phone or tv or other distractions. Perhaps a game, talking about their day, colouring together, a word search. Anything, as long as you are truly present with them.

To find out more about Sophie Says or buy their amazing books and feelings and emotion cards visit: https://www.sophiesaysofficial.com/collections/buy-our-products-school-package

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