Social media harms relationships and changes kids’ behaviour, say majority of parents

More than half (55%) of parents say that social media has negatively impacted their child’s social relationships with their peers and 66% of parents have noticed changes in their child’s mood, self esteem or behaviour as a result of using social media, according to new research.

The study by the charity Parenting Mental Health, which is on a mission to reach, support and skill one million parents through their child’s poor mental health by 2026, polled more than 600 parents on issues such as mobile phone usage, social media and gaming.

It found that, despite the majority of parents worrying about the impact devices have on their children, almost two-thirds of parents (62%) do not monitor or control their child’s phone. On the whole, parents who have had conversations with their children about safe and responsible social media use said that their child had been receptive about the discussions, with 75% saying their child was ‘very’ or ‘somewhat’ receptive, compared to 20% who said their child was ‘not’ receptive.

The research also found that gaming was seen as a relatively positive hobby, with 26% of parents saying that they thought gaming had positively impacted their child’s social interactions and relationships with peers, compared to only 16% who said it had a negative impact.

Parenting Mental Health has compiled the following top tips for parents who are looking to help their children reduce their mobile phone usage, particularly heading into the summer holidays, when device usage tends to rise.

Spotting the signs of addiction 

Knowing whether your child has a genuine addiction is the first step to helping them. Are they using their device in risky situations or choosing to be on it instead of eating and sleeping? Are they waking up in the night and using their phone, or staying up late and waking up early to use their phone before school? This could indicate an addiction or reliance on the device.

Other signs and symptoms of addiction and imbalanced phone usage include, but are not limited to:

• Irritability and mood swings
• Lying about what they use their phone for or when they use their phone
• Feelings of guilt or shame around phone use
• Low self-esteem and confidence
• Spending large amounts of time thinking or obsessing about their phone
• Feeling a loss of control around phone use
• Social isolation

Knowing the ‘why’ 

There are many reasons why excessive phone use could occur, including fear of missing out, with many young people finding that their entire social life is nurtured by being on their phone. Not being able to respond to something online, or not being invited to something that has been organised online can leave young people feeling left out and isolated. Other reasons could be simply a force of habit; as humans we are wired to create routine and this leads to habits forming – whether healthy or otherwise.

Mobile phones can also provide a distraction, particularly for young people who are struggling with their mental health and looking for ways to escape difficult emotions or troubling thoughts. Gaming, watching videos and scrolling social media can be a coping mechanism and provides a break from the noise in their heads. As a parent, we might cope by going to the gym, pouring a glass of wine or talking to a partner. Explore whether your child might be looking for a similar distraction in their phone.

Helping to find a balance

 If the signs and symptoms resonate and you are concerned that your child is addicted to their mobile phone, make time to talk to them about how they are using it and show a genuine interest about what they are doing when they are using it. Look at patterns in what time they use their phone the most and how they seem to behave afterwards; for example, whether they seem more anxious as a result.

Once you have an idea of their habits, speak to them and suggest tackling the problem together. Ensure they feel heard and understood, and give them the opportunity to understand for themselves what impact this is having. Avoid using the word ‘addiction’, which can make children feel belittled and disempowered. Creating a pros and cons list together can be a great way to provide a sense of control, ensuring they know their feelings are valid and that they are being listened to. You can then think of ways that they can navigate this together, making small changes that will give them more balance but being clear that you’re not asking them to stop using it altogether. Small wins on the journey should be celebrated and frequent recognition of changes – no matter how small – will help your child to feel trusted and motivated to continue.

Finally, model good behaviour yourself. Adults are often just as prone to overuse as children – sometimes more so – so you must be willing to make changes yourself in order to set an example.

If you need more help or professional advice, contact a trained counsellor or charity that has specialist knowledge around addictions and how to deal with them.