How to Tell Your Children You’ve Got Cancer

Consider Their Age and Understanding

Children process information differently depending on their age and developmental stage. According to the Ruth Strauss Foundation, it’s important to tailor your explanation to their level of understanding:

• Young Children (Aged 3-7): Children in this age group need simple explanations. Use clear, non-technical language like “bad cells” or “poorly cells” to describe cancer. Focus on reassuring them that they did nothing to cause it and that they are loved and cared for.
• School-Age Children (Aged 8-12): At this age, children may have some understanding of illness and may have heard of cancer before. Be more open, explaining that it’s a serious illness but that doctors are working to help you get better. Allow them to ask questions and address their concerns.
• Teenagers (Aged 13-18): Older children can handle more detailed information. They may want to know about the treatment process and prognosis. Be honest but also offer hope. Teenagers might prefer to research on their own, so provide reliable sources of information, such as the Macmillan Cancer Support website.

Be Honest but Reassuring

Being honest is crucial, even if it feels uncomfortable. According to Maggie’s Centres, hiding the truth can lead to confusion and fear as children are often more aware of the situation than adults think. Explain that you have cancer but reassure them that it’s being treated, and doctors are doing their best to help. Avoid making promises you can’t keep, such as guaranteeing a cure, but focus on the support system in place.

Choose the Right Moment

Timing is important when delivering difficult news. It’s best to choose a quiet time when you won’t be interrupted, allowing you to give your full attention. Child Bereavement UK suggests having the conversation in a safe, familiar environment where children feel comfortable expressing their emotions.

Prepare for Their Reactions

Children may react in various ways, from sadness to anger, or even appearing disinterested at first. The Cancer Research UK website advises parents to be patient and give children space to process the news in their own time. Encourage them to ask questions and express their emotions. It’s also important to revisit the conversation, as children may have more questions later or need further reassurance.

Use Support Resources

There are many resources available to help guide these difficult conversations. Charities like Macmillan Cancer Support and Maggie’s offer advice and counselling services specifically for families dealing with cancer. Child-specific resources, such as those offered by the Ruth Strauss Foundation, can help provide age-appropriate language and materials to explain cancer to children.

Keep Communication Open

Cancer is a journey, and your children will need updates as treatment progresses. Keep communication open by checking in regularly about how they are feeling. According to Child Bereavement UK, maintaining honesty and providing regular updates will help children feel included and reduce feelings of uncertainty or helplessness. Let them know it’s okay to ask questions whenever they need to.

Encourage Emotional Expression

It’s essential to create a space where your children feel comfortable expressing their emotions, whether it’s fear, anger, or sadness. The Ruth Strauss Foundation recommends using creative outlets like drawing, writing, or talking to help children process complex emotions. Reassure them that all feelings are valid and normal.

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