Tip 1 – Communicate Early
The school term dates are released well in advance so try and agree who the children will be spending their time with during their holiday periods as soon as possible. This reduces last minute stress and disputes, allows you to book travel, especially abroad, when prices are low and time to deal with any disputes that might arise.
Tip 2 – Be Sensible and Child Focused
We all want to spend as much time with our children during the holiday periods as we can, but if your annual leave won’t allow it, focus on what is best for the children as opposed to your own desires. Do the children really want to spend the day with a childminder, or at a holiday club, when they know they could be with their other parent? Do the children really want to live out of a suitcase for six weeks moving from parent to parent every few days? Put yourself in their shoes and focus on what works for them.
Tip 3 – Communicate with one another not the children
Where communications are high conflict or acrimonious, it often feels easier to tell the child, especially if they are older, what to pack and bring with them. Inevitably the child forgets, and this causes conflict between the parents. An early, simple message, to the other parent to request they pack specific items, such as the scooter, football kit or swimming kit, will help you develop co-parenting skills and is much better for the children.
Tip 4 – Try a parenting app
I often recommend the use of parenting apps, there are many on the market, many of which are free to use. It keeps everything on a single platform allowing you to message, share a calendar, discuss expenses, send pictures and even facilitate video calls. It is so much easier to have all the children’s plans logged in one place and during the school holidays especially will help the other parent remain involved.
Tip 5 – Remember you have different parenting styles
Rarely will two parents have the same approach to parenting. If this might be an issue, consider agreeing a holiday parenting plan. This will allow you to agree the things that matter in advance so the children’s routine in both homes is broadly similar. Consider bedtimes, screen time limits, attendance at activities, contact with the other parent – all these things can become flash points, so why not agree them in advance.
Forward planning is the best way to reduce conflict and ensure the children enjoy their school holidays and have the best experiences with both parents. If you cannot agree then there are a whole host of tools you can use to try to break that deadlock, such as mediation, solicitors’ communication, early neutral evaluation and so forth. Often just seeking legal advice on the dispute can give you an idea of how the court might resolve it and that may be sufficient to break the deadlock.
Also, do remember that, except in certain circumstances, such as where you have a Child Arrangements Order in place (and subject to the terms of such an order), you cannot travel outside of England and Wales with a child without the consent of the other parent. If you want to travel abroad, I strongly suggest obtaining consent in writing. Do also be open with the other parent about travel plans and accommodation.
If consent is not forthcoming an order will need to be sought from the court for permission to travel. It is best to deal with these issues early on so that there is sufficient time to obtain such an order, should it become necessary to do so.
Remember travel abroad is often seen to be in the children’s best interests, it affords them exposure to other cultures, history, and new experiences. Do not allow your relationship with the other parent to cloud your decision as to whether to provide consent for the children to travel or not.
Simran Gupta, Senior Associate Solicitor in the Family Team at SA Law.