Dr Laura Powling, CEO of Evolve Psychology and Consultant Clinical Psychologist, offers her advice
The long summer school holidays can be daunting for any parent. How will they fill the time and juggle work, home and family life, without resorting to endless screens?
But for parents of neurodivergent children there can be additional challenges as school provides structure, specialist support and routine that many neurodivergent children rely on. When term ends parents are often managing not just childcare, but the sudden loss of that framework, alongside the possible dysregulation fallout.
Expert in neurodiversity, Dr Laura Powling, CEO and Consultant Clinical Psychologist at Evolve Psychology, has this advice:
“Perhaps the most important tip is don’t believe everything you see on social media. It so often creates unrealistic expectations of the ‘perfect summer.’ Parents and carers can feel real pressure to provide constant entertainment and trips during holiday time. This is often a way of creating precious memories, however, for many neurodivergent children, these experiences, and the expectations around them, are overwhelming.
“A successful summer holiday isn’t the busiest one, it’s one where children have opportunities to enjoy themselves, recharge and rest in a way that suits them as an individual.
“Parents of neurodivergent children can be extremely hard on themselves, but so often they’re doing a brilliant job juggling everyone’s needs – perhaps multiple children with different needs, or a neurodivergent and a neurotypical child – as well as work and other commitments. The key is to do what works for your family, not what works for someone else’s. And it’s worth remembering that if a child becomes overwhelmed or something doesn’t go to plan, it doesn’t mean the whole summer, or even the activity itself, was a failure. We can prepare, but not everything can be controlled.”
Here are some practical tips for parents of neurodivergent children from Dr Powling, to help the summer break go as smoothly as possible:
1. Maintain key routines as much as possible
Keeping some familiar routines is helpful for neurodivergent young people. Trying to maintain a standard sleep schedule, including morning and evening rituals, and mealtimes, will help minimise overwhelm – and can reduce stress when school restarts.
2. Use visual cues to support a more flexible timetable
Many neurodivergent children thrive on predictability. But summer holidays are sure to be less regimented than term-time and other members of the family might prefer less structure. During more fluid times visual cues can be valuable for providing reassurance. An accessible calendar can highlight planned activities. If anything needs to change, give advance warning, and make sure the visual plans are updated.
3. Plan the right holiday for you
Going away on holiday can be stressful, with a challenging combination of travel, unfamiliar environments, disrupted routines, crowds, noise and unpredictability.
When booking, hold firm on the priorities for your family – your trip may not be what other people are doing, but you know that if it works for your family the chances are higher that you’ll all be able to have a good time. It might be a quiet villa, rather than a resort. Or self-catering to help with mealtimes. And is a car journey likely to be better than a plane?
Whatever you decide to do, try and prepare your child as much as possible by looking at photos and chatting through travel and wider plans. Talk about anything they may need to take with them to help them feel at home, such as sensory comfort items, a nightlight or their own bedding.
4. Give yourself grace with the work juggle
Most annual leave allowances do not stretch to taking the entire summer off, so balancing work commitments with a child who may need more support, structure, supervision or flexibility than holiday clubs can provide is tough. Whilst many mainstream holiday clubs are becoming more inclusive, not all are equipped to support neurodivergent children, so it’s worth asking detailed questions if they are something you’re considering.
Many parents have no choice but to rely on support from family or friends, or working from home with children present. If you end up doing the latter, try and factor in times during the day when your child can have your full attention – knowing this timetable of connection points can help. Try and schedule important work calls or focused work during a child’s preferred activities, or if your employer will allow you to work flexibly, try and use that to your advantage for after bedtime or once a partner is home.
When you really need to focus, a Boredom Toolkit can be helpful, particularly for those with ADHD, including things like Lego, craft kits, puzzle books, audiobooks or special-interest activities.
5. Don’t book in too much and remember to ‘show and tell’
It can be tempting to fill every day with activities, whether away or at home, but many neurodivergent children need significant recovery time. Make sure you build time to do nothing into the week, balancing busy days with quieter ones. For activities that are booked in, explain the plans and use photos or maps to show where you’re going. Some children may need details, with timings, order of events or what to wear, for example wearing wellies to a children’s farm.
6. Have an ‘everything-you-might-need’ kit ready
New activities and trips can be a great opportunity to push boundaries, try something new and help develop children’s social skills and self-confidence. But they will undoubtedly come with challenges. Parents of neurodivergent children will often have items on them to help with overwhelm, anxiety or trying to prevent or minimise a meltdown. As summer often means the stress of crowded attractions, louder environments and changes in temperature, some may need extra support to help them feel safe enough to try something new.
It’s worth considering carrying:
– Noise-cancelling headphones
– Sunglasses or caps
– Fidget toys
– Favourite snacks and drinks
– A fan
– Comfort items with a familiar scent
7. Respect their social battery
Trying to balance the needs of everyone within a family can be tricky. Let children have a say in social plans where appropriate and schedule recovery, or ‘battery recharging’, time after socialising – being prepared that social exhaustion can often look like irritability or withdrawal.
8. Try to stick to existing screen time agreements
The school holidays can make it even harder than usual to get children away from screens. The temptation to game or watch for long periods can be incredibly difficult for a child to resist without support, particularly for those who are neurodivergent. Try and tap into their interests when planning an activity or day out, to help encourage their enthusiasm.
That said, for many neurodivergent children, technology can offer social connections and support special interests. So the focus should be on balance rather than guilt.
9. Look for inclusive environments
Simply being in an environment that particularly suits or caters to your child will help you both to relax, from outside spaces to run around and burn off energy to relaxed cinema screenings, SEN-friendly events and inclusive sessions in leisure centres. They are out there, so try and utilise them if you can. Social media groups can be a good way to learn about what’s available in your area.
10. Start planning for back-to-school early
Many children begin worrying about heading back to school as soon as school finishes. To manage the transition at the other end of the long break, try to talk positively about returning to school when they may be feeling more receptive. Be sure to gradually re-establish school sleep or routine patterns which have slipped over the holidays. You could also ask school if a pre term start visit can be arranged, especially if there will be changes in classrooms or teaching staff.
